Therapy Thursday (5-31-18)

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. While I do have a masters degree in counseling, the purpose of this blog is not to provide diagnosis or treatment for mental illness of any kind. The purpose of this blog is to offer tips on dealing with the frustrations of life. When it comes to your mental wellness, please seek professional counsel if you feel necessary.

You already know what time it is! Get your journal and hot tea together and let’s get into this therapy.

In the previous blog, I talked about the mental wellness of black children. It was a topic near and dear to my heart. The work I do is not easy but every child I see is worth my time energy and effort. I never thought I would do work with kids but I absolutely love my job.

This week, I want to talk about another topic that is close to my heart. Mental wellness of men.

What you saying Shanithia? I thought this was hyquality CHICKS?? We suppose to be talking about faith, womanhood, and therapy. What does man have to do with that? So glad you asked. Peep this post I found via TheShadeRoom:

When it comes to male mental health, women are expected to be mothers or babysitters. This expectation creates false responsibility which typically encourages the woman to stay in an unhealthy relationship. You may have encountered this pressure through small conversations like: just pray for him, why would you leave him in a difficult time, or have you tried ____??.

Many times people who say these things don’t realize the pressure they are placing on women to be accountable for a male’s mental health. I want to be clear in saying their is nothing wrong with supporting your significant other. The problem comes in when the one party does not participate in doing the work to process, deal with, and address their own emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness.

So what can women do to place the responsibility back on men and keep it there? So glad you ask. Here are 3 things we can do to shift the responsibility back.

  1. Set boundaries. It’s important that you express and enforce boundaries. What 5 things are non-negotiable for you? What things can you personally deal with? How will you communicate that a boundary has been crossed? How will you deal with no change?
  2. Communicate expectations. If you don’t say it, you can’t be upset it doesn’t get done. Mis/ Non-communicated expectation produce self-inflicted disappointment. One of the things I push for in my romantic relationships is self-awareness. I communicate that by asking things like what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? It’s really that simple!
  3. Remain consistent. Change is a matter of a made up mind. Growth is a matter of a strong will. James said a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways. If you waiver, how can he know what your real expectations? Be willingly to compromise not give up.

I hope these tips help you rethink responsibility in relationships and encourage you to set appropriate standards. While this blog was addressed to women, men can use these tips too. As the leader of the home, how can the vision be accomplished if strong man is bound?

Cheers to healthy relationships!!

XOXO,

Shanithia “Hyquality” Kendrick

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